1.SAM:When i was young i used to pray for a bike.
BILL:Then...?
SAM:I REALISED THAT GOD DOESNT WORK THAT WAY,SO I STOLE BIKE AND PRAYED FOR FORGIVENESS.

2.In a rare admission, a man confesses to his girlfriend, "Last night was my fault". "how come ?" says the friend. "My wife asked me waht`s on TV I said ,'DUST' " .

3.He said "Do you love me because my father leftme a fortune?" She said "No silly! I`d love you no matter who left you the money."

4.PATIENT:It must be tough spending all the day with your hands in someone else`s mouth. DENTIST:No ,I think of it as having my hands in their wallet.

5.If more than one mouse is mice then more than one spouse is spice.

6.TEACHER:What are some products of the west indies? STUDENT:I dont know. TEACHER:Ofcourse,you do.Where do you get your sugar from? STUDENT:We borrow it from our neighbour.

7.SAM:I got married because i was tired of eating out,cleaning and washing clothes.
BILL:Wow!I got divorced because for the same reasons.

8.Q:What`s the difference between amnesia and apathy? A:I don`t know and I dont care!

9.Why are men similar to commercials? You can`t believe a word they say.

10.My husband bought me a mood ring the other day.When i am in good mood it turns green. When i am in bad moodit leaves ared mark on his face.

11.2 ways to commit suicide: 1.QUICK DEATH:Take a big rope,tie arounf your neck and hang yourself. 2.SLOW DEATH:Take a small rope tie it around a girl`s neck and marry her.

12.A system administrator is like Santa Claus,nobody knows what he does most of the time.

13.Trust in god but lock your car.

14.GIRLFRIEND:Are you sure that you love me and no one else? BOYFRIEND :Dead sure,I checked the whole list again yesterday.

15.Q:Why does it take long to make a blonde snowman? A:Because you have to hollow the head out.

16.Did you hear about the woman who got the AM radio?

17.Q:What happens when the earth rotates 30 times faster? A:You get your salary everyday!

18.Why were males created before females? Because you always need a rough copy before the final draft.

19.Why is honesty the best policy because you have hardly any competition.

20.A lady slaps a man in an elvator. His little girl says."It`s ok dad.she stepped on toe too,so i pinched her.

21.They say one out of every four people is a chinese.so if your father,brother,mother are not chinese then it must be you.