JOKES

22.A newly married girl got first class in her B.Ed exams.Her husband sent a telegram to her parents -Ruby First class in Bed!

23.Santa and Banta were close friends.Santa died suddenly.A desolate Banta went to the office of the local newspaperto put an announcement in its obituary column. He found their rates very high.So he decided to make it as short as he could-just 2 words:`Santa dead` The clerk at the counter refused to take it.`You must make it at least 5 words,` he told Banta. `Okay,`replied Banta,and made it into 5 words:`Santa dead,maruti for sale`

24.Maternity is a fact,paternity,an opinion.

25.BREAKING NEWS!!!!!! .Something went wrong in jet crash,Experts say.
.Safety Experts say School bus passengers should be belted.
.Iraqi head seeks army.
.Panda mating fails;
Veterinarian takes over.
.Lung cancer in women Mushrooms.
.Squad helps dog bite victim.
.Enraged cow injures farmer with axe.
.Plane too close to ground.crash probe told.
.Miners refuse to work after death.
26.HELL AND HEAVEN: Heaven is to have an American salary,british house,Chinese food and an Indian wife. Hell is to have an American wife,British food,Chinese house and an Indian salary.

27.Santa to Banta,"Come Banta,let`s bet on the cricket match and make a lot of money". Banta agree,"very true yaar,let us bet on India." So they both vouched for India and bet a good sum. After the match was over Santa lamented "My bad luck is always kharab yaar,India lost the match and i lost my money." Banta replied,`there is still hope for me.I bet on the highlights also."
28.LAWYER:I wish to appeal my client`s case on the basis of newly discovered evidence. JUDGE:What`s that? LAWYER:Judge,I discovered that my client still has Rs500.
29.Can you believe the things people do?I was sittig next to a guy in church, and in the middle of his prayer,he lit a cigarette.I was so shocked, I nearly dropped my beer!
30.Banto filled up her insurance form but left column no.5`whether you are pregnant or not` blank.The insurance underwriter scrutinised the form and wrote back to banto, `please let us know whether you are pregnant or not,so that we may do the needful.`
31.`But,doctor,` said the worried patient,`are you sure i`ll pull through? I`ve heard of cases where the doctor made a wrong diagnosis,and treated someone for pneumonia who afterwards died of typhoid fever.` `Nonsense spluttered the physician.`When I treat a patient for pneumonia, he dies of pneumonia.`
32.PHOTO FINISH!!! Santa was trvelling in a crowded bus.He was carrying a passport-size photograph of his son (for college admission).Accidentally,the photograph fell out of his pocket. He started searching for it frantically and found it on the floor of the bus.Politely he asked the sari clad female standing in front of him,`Can you lift that sari?I want to take a photograph.`
33.Woman at differentageeeeees: At 08 years: You take her to bed and tell her a story. At 18 years: You tell her a story and take her to bed. At 28 years: You don`t need to tell her a story to take her to bed. At 38 years: She tells you a story and takes you to bed. At 48 years: You tell her a story to avoid going to bed.
34.A girl phoned me the other day and said,"Come on over,there`s nobody home."I went over. Nobody was home.
35.What do you call an intelligent man? A rumour
36.David:My wife beats me, doctor! Doctor:Oh dear!How often? David:Everytime we play scrabble!
37.TEACHER:Prove that cold compresses things whileheat has an expanding effect. STUDENT:Summer holidays extend upto 45days while winter holidays last only a week!
38.A nobel prize winner wrote-"My novel is dedicated to my wife as I could complete it in her absence."
39.Don`t eat chicken with your fingers.Eat them separately!
40.What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?Magnets have a positive side!
41.Why do couples hold hands on thier wedding day? It`s just a formality,like boxers shaking hands before a fight!
42.A gorgeous girl walks up to the professor and says,"I`ll do anything to pass." "Anything?" asks the professor. "anything ,"she replies."Then go and study!"says the professor.