check this great site for premium accounts of rapidshare, megaupload etc
p4premium.blogspot.com/
Tuesday, 16 March 2010
Thursday, 26 February 2009
Quotes by Famous People
Advice for Living
1.Mark Twain: "Age is mostly a matter of mind. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."
2.Meindert Dejong (in The Wheel on the School): "... first to dream and then to do -- isn't that the way to make a dream come true?"
3.Bibliophile book catalogue: "If you don't take care of your body, where will you live?"
4.Bibliophile book catalogue: "Tact: getting your point across without stabbing someone with it."
1.Mark Twain: "Age is mostly a matter of mind. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."
2.Meindert Dejong (in The Wheel on the School): "... first to dream and then to do -- isn't that the way to make a dream come true?"
3.Bibliophile book catalogue: "If you don't take care of your body, where will you live?"
4.Bibliophile book catalogue: "Tact: getting your point across without stabbing someone with it."
5.Digest: "One of the greatest mistakes in life is to fear continually you will make one."
6.Bibliophile book catalogue: "No-one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
7.Stephen Orchard: "You must forgive in order to live."
8.May V. Smith: "The only place you find success before work is in the dictionary."
9.Notice in office: "The easiest way to make ends meet is to get off your own."
10.Bibliophile book catalogue: "People who cannot find time for recreation are obliged sooner or later to find time for illness."
11.Confucius: "Learning without thought is labour lost; thought without learning is perilous."
12.Joan Baez (singer): "I've never had a humble opinion. If you've got an opinion, why be humble about it?"
13.Thoreau: "If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music he hears, however measured or far away."
14.Mark Twain: "It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt."
15.Emerson: "No man should travel until he has learned the language of the country he visits. Otherwise he voluntarily makes himself a great baby - so helpless and so ridiculous."
16.Albert Einstein: "The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources."
17.Henry Ford: "Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young. The greatest thing in life is to keep your mind young."
18.Bibliophile catalogue no 201: "Always use tasteful words - you may have to eat them."
Children
1.Katherine Whitehorn: "Children and zip fasteners do not respond to force ... except occasionally."
2.William Feather: "Setting a good example to children takes all the fun out of middle age."
3.Elbert Hubbard: "The object of teaching a child is to enable him to get along without a teacher."
4.Roger Lewin: "Too often we give children answers to remember rather than problems to solve."
5.Chinese proverb: "A child's life is like a piece of paper, on which every person leaves a mark."
History and War
1.A.J.P. Taylor: "Human blunders usually do more to shape history than human wickedness."
2.Bibliophile book catalogue: "The first casualty of war is truth."
3.Aldous Huxley: "That men do not learn very much from the lessons of history is the most important of all the lessons that history has to teach."
4.Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel: "What experience and history teach is this - that people and governments never have learned anything from history, or acted on principles deduced from it."
5.Enoch Powell: "History is littered with wars which everybody knew would never happen."
6.Aldous Huxley: "The most shocking fact about war is that its victims and its instruments are individual human beings and that these individuals are condemned by the monstrous conventions of politics to murder and be murdered in quarrels not their own."
7.Balaam: "I have seen men trying to teach history who hardly knew whether the Armada was a town in Brazil or the winner of the Derby!"
8.George Bernard Shaw (in The Devil's Disciple): "The British soldier can stand up to anything except the British War Office."
9.Dionysius of Halicarnassus: "History is philosophy drawn from examples."
Science and Technology
1.Morris Cohen (American scientist): "Science is a flickering light in our darkness, but it is the only one we have and woe to him who would put it out.."
2.Claude Bernard: "Art is I, Science is we."
3.Theordore Roszak: "Nature composes some of her loveliest poems for microscope and telescope."
4.Elbert Hubbard: "One machine can do the work of fifty ordinary men. No machine can do the work of one extraordinary man."
5.Enrico Fermi: "It is no good to try to stop knowledge going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge."
6.Charles Sanders Pierce: "There is one thing even more vital to science than intelligent methods; and that is, the sincere desire to find out the truth, whatever it may be."
7.Winston Churchill: "Science should be on tap, not on top."
8.Albert Einstein: "The whole of science is nothing more than a refinement of everyday thinking."
9.Henri Poincaré: "Science is built up of facts, as a house is built of stones; but an accumulation of facts is no more a science than a heap of stones is a house."
10.Clive James: "It is only when they go wrong that machines remind you how powerful they are."
Monday, 12 January 2009
Witty One-Liners
1.If you are going through hell, keep going.
2.Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left.
3.Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?
4.Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more(friendship or money).
5.You can be sure of going to hell.. your stupidity will assure you of a place!
6.An expert is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.
7.Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.
8.When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
9.Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.
10.Is it weird in here, or is it just me?
11.Experience is what a comb gives you after you lose your hair.
12.Well done is better than well said.
13.Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when nobody is looking.
14.They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.
15.I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
16.Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.
17.I have a drinking problem - I can't afford it.
18.Good girls go to heaven. Bad girls go anywhere!
19.Love thy neighbour, but be sure her husband is away.
20.Drink till she's cute, but stop before the wedding.
21.I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
22.When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
23.Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
24.If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
25.I don't mind where you die.. as long as you do!
26.I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
27.Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
28. You can forget about going to heaven because it's sin to look that good.
29.Skill is successfully walking a tightrope over Niagara Falls.
30.Intelligence is not trying.
2.Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left.
3.Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?
4.Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more(friendship or money).
5.You can be sure of going to hell.. your stupidity will assure you of a place!
6.An expert is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.
7.Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.
8.When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
9.Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.
10.Is it weird in here, or is it just me?
11.Experience is what a comb gives you after you lose your hair.
12.Well done is better than well said.
13.Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when nobody is looking.
14.They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.
15.I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
16.Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.
17.I have a drinking problem - I can't afford it.
18.Good girls go to heaven. Bad girls go anywhere!
19.Love thy neighbour, but be sure her husband is away.
20.Drink till she's cute, but stop before the wedding.
21.I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
22.When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
23.Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
24.If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
25.I don't mind where you die.. as long as you do!
26.I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
27.Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
28. You can forget about going to heaven because it's sin to look that good.
29.Skill is successfully walking a tightrope over Niagara Falls.
30.Intelligence is not trying.
Silly Quotes
1."Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage." - Ambrose Bierce
2."Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet."
-Mark Twain.
3.I spent 90% of my money on women and drink. The rest I wasted - George Best
4."Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand."- Benny Hill
5."A friend is someone who's there when he needs you"- Anon
6."Committee - a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours."- M. Berle
7."I'm gonna live forever, or die trying."- Joseph Heller (Catch 22)
8."Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law."- Hubert Humphrey
9."Trees cause more pollution than automobiles do." Ronald Reagan
10."Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder"-Anon
11."I can see clearly now, the brain has gone"- Anon
12."I am nobodyNobody is perfectTherefore, I must be perfect!"- Anon
13."Some people say that one's personality is reflected off of their car... Well, I have no car."
- Anon
2."Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet."
-Mark Twain.
3.I spent 90% of my money on women and drink. The rest I wasted - George Best
4."Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand."- Benny Hill
5."A friend is someone who's there when he needs you"- Anon
6."Committee - a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours."- M. Berle
7."I'm gonna live forever, or die trying."- Joseph Heller (Catch 22)
8."Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law."- Hubert Humphrey
9."Trees cause more pollution than automobiles do." Ronald Reagan
10."Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder"-Anon
11."I can see clearly now, the brain has gone"- Anon
12."I am nobodyNobody is perfectTherefore, I must be perfect!"- Anon
13."Some people say that one's personality is reflected off of their car... Well, I have no car."
- Anon
Wednesday, 7 January 2009
T-shirt Quotes(3)
1.God is dead and I want His job.
2.I'm the person your mother warned you about.
3.No sense in being pessimistic It wouldn't work anyway.
4.We should forgive our enemies, but only after they've been taken out and shot.
5.Never kick a man unless he's down.
6.There is intelligent life on Earth, but I'm just visiting.
7.The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you've got it made.
8.I wear the brains in the family.
9.Death is hereditary.
10.Beat the 5 o'clock rush - Leave work at noon.
11.I'm not unemployed, I'm a consultant
12.I'm sorry My fault I forgot you were an idiot.
13.My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.
14.Where there's a will... I want to be in it.
15.All men are idiots And I married their king.
16.Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.
17.Out of my mind... Back in five minutes.
18.Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
19.Don`t start with me,You will not win.
20.Fat people are harder to kidnap.
21.My parents said I could become anything,so I became an Asshole.
22.Take my advice,I dont use it anyway.
23.Life is sexually transmitted.
24.ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI.
25.It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
26.My dad thinks I am a virgin.
2.I'm the person your mother warned you about.
3.No sense in being pessimistic It wouldn't work anyway.
4.We should forgive our enemies, but only after they've been taken out and shot.
5.Never kick a man unless he's down.
6.There is intelligent life on Earth, but I'm just visiting.
7.The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you've got it made.
8.I wear the brains in the family.
9.Death is hereditary.
10.Beat the 5 o'clock rush - Leave work at noon.
11.I'm not unemployed, I'm a consultant
12.I'm sorry My fault I forgot you were an idiot.
13.My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.
14.Where there's a will... I want to be in it.
15.All men are idiots And I married their king.
16.Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.
17.Out of my mind... Back in five minutes.
18.Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
19.Don`t start with me,You will not win.
20.Fat people are harder to kidnap.
21.My parents said I could become anything,so I became an Asshole.
22.Take my advice,I dont use it anyway.
23.Life is sexually transmitted.
24.ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI.
25.It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
26.My dad thinks I am a virgin.
Saturday, 3 January 2009
t-shirt quotes(2)
1.What happens in this shirt, stays in this shirt.
2.Florida: the place where old people go to die.
3.Hand over the chocolate and no one gets hurt.
4.Im not perfect but parts of me are.
5.Work sucks but I need the bucks.
6.If it’s too loud, you’re too old.
7.Hey, Im up here ^
8.i am really lovable; but not more than a night..
9.God,if there is any work around me..please remove it!!
10.you spend your whole life thinking your on the right track, only to find out your on the wrong train
11.lets play head and tails,,,heads i get tail,,,tails i get head,,,
12.Dont blame me, I was born Awesome!
13.One hand cleans the other
14.virginity is a disease….. and i’m the Doctor!!!!
15.I can only compensate so much for other people’s stupidity.
16.If plugging it in doesn’t help, then try turning it on.
17.You have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be misquoted and then used against you.
18.Thank you for calling tech support, you’re ignorance is my job security.
19.Always remember… you’re unique just like everyone else.
20.Excuse me, but do I look like someone who cares ?
21.Do not disturb, I’m disturbed enough already.
22.I don’t have a license to kill, I have a learners permit.
23.People like you are the reason people like me need medication.
24.If I throw a stick, will you leave?
25.FAILURE is not an option, it comes all bundled up with the software.
2.Florida: the place where old people go to die.
3.Hand over the chocolate and no one gets hurt.
4.Im not perfect but parts of me are.
5.Work sucks but I need the bucks.
6.If it’s too loud, you’re too old.
7.Hey, Im up here ^
8.i am really lovable; but not more than a night..
9.God,if there is any work around me..please remove it!!
10.you spend your whole life thinking your on the right track, only to find out your on the wrong train
11.lets play head and tails,,,heads i get tail,,,tails i get head,,,
12.Dont blame me, I was born Awesome!
13.One hand cleans the other
14.virginity is a disease….. and i’m the Doctor!!!!
15.I can only compensate so much for other people’s stupidity.
16.If plugging it in doesn’t help, then try turning it on.
17.You have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be misquoted and then used against you.
18.Thank you for calling tech support, you’re ignorance is my job security.
19.Always remember… you’re unique just like everyone else.
20.Excuse me, but do I look like someone who cares ?
21.Do not disturb, I’m disturbed enough already.
22.I don’t have a license to kill, I have a learners permit.
23.People like you are the reason people like me need medication.
24.If I throw a stick, will you leave?
25.FAILURE is not an option, it comes all bundled up with the software.
Monday, 22 December 2008
Funny Advertisements....
1.Advertisement In A Long Island Shop:Guitar, for sale....... cheap....... ....no strings attached.
2.Ad.. In Hospital Waiting Room:Smoking Helps You Lose Weight ... One Lung At A Time!
3.Seen on a bulletin board:Success Is Relative. More The Success, More The Relatives.
4.When I Read About The Evils Of Drinking...I Gave Up Reading.
5.My Grandfather Is Eighty And Still Doesn't Need Glasses...He Drinks Straight Out Of The Bottle.
6.You Know Your kids Have Grown Up When:Your Daughter Begins To Put On Lipstick..Or Your Son Starts To Wipe It Off.
7.Sign In A Bar:"Those Of You Who Are Drinking To Forget, Please Pay In Advance."
8.Sign In Driving School:
If Your Wife Wants To Learn To Drive, Don't Stand In Her Way.
9.Behind Every Great Man, There Is A Surprised Woman.
10.The Reason Men Lie Is Because Women Ask So Many Questions.
11.Getting Caught Is The Mother Of Invention.
12.Laugh And The World Laughs With You, Snore And You sleep Alone.
13.The Surest Sign That Intelligent Life Exists Elsewhere In The UniverseIs The Fact That It Has Never Tried To Contact Us.
14.Sign At A Barber's Saloon In Detroit:We Need Your Heads To Run Our Business.
15.A Traffic Slogan:Don't Let Your Kids Drive If They are Not Old EnoughOr Else They Will Never Be.
16.Sign In A Restaurant:All Drinking Water In This Establishment Has Been Personally Passed By The Manager.
17.Sign On A Famous Beauty Parlor Window:Don't Whistle At The Girls Going Out From Here.She May Be Your Grandmother !
2.Ad.. In Hospital Waiting Room:Smoking Helps You Lose Weight ... One Lung At A Time!
3.Seen on a bulletin board:Success Is Relative. More The Success, More The Relatives.
4.When I Read About The Evils Of Drinking...I Gave Up Reading.
5.My Grandfather Is Eighty And Still Doesn't Need Glasses...He Drinks Straight Out Of The Bottle.
6.You Know Your kids Have Grown Up When:Your Daughter Begins To Put On Lipstick..Or Your Son Starts To Wipe It Off.
7.Sign In A Bar:"Those Of You Who Are Drinking To Forget, Please Pay In Advance."
8.Sign In Driving School:
If Your Wife Wants To Learn To Drive, Don't Stand In Her Way.
9.Behind Every Great Man, There Is A Surprised Woman.
10.The Reason Men Lie Is Because Women Ask So Many Questions.
11.Getting Caught Is The Mother Of Invention.
12.Laugh And The World Laughs With You, Snore And You sleep Alone.
13.The Surest Sign That Intelligent Life Exists Elsewhere In The UniverseIs The Fact That It Has Never Tried To Contact Us.
14.Sign At A Barber's Saloon In Detroit:We Need Your Heads To Run Our Business.
15.A Traffic Slogan:Don't Let Your Kids Drive If They are Not Old EnoughOr Else They Will Never Be.
16.Sign In A Restaurant:All Drinking Water In This Establishment Has Been Personally Passed By The Manager.
17.Sign On A Famous Beauty Parlor Window:Don't Whistle At The Girls Going Out From Here.She May Be Your Grandmother !
10 most stupid questions people usually ask in obvious situations.
1. At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/friends...
Stupid Question:-Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer:-Don’t u know, I sell tickets in black over here..
2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet...
Stupid Question:-Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer:-No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia.....why don't you try again.
3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people asks...
Stupid Question:-Why, why him, of all people.
Answer:-Why? Would it rather have been you?
4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiterStupid Question:-Is! the "Butter Paneer Masala" dish good??Answer:-No, it’s terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occasionally also spit in it.
5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you after years...
Stupid Question:-Munna, Chickoo, you've become so big.
Answer:-Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.
6. When a friend announces her wedding and you ask...
Stupid Question:-Is the guy you're marrying good?
Answer:-No, he’s a miserable wife-beating, insensitive lout...it's just the money.
7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call...
Stupid Question:-Sorry. Were you sleeping?
Answer:-No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or not. You thought I was sleeping....you dumb witted moron.
8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair...
Stupid Question:-Hey have you had a haircut?
Answer:-No, its autumn and I'm shedding......
9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth...
Stupid Question:-Tell me if it hurts?
Answer:-No it won’t. It will just bleed.
10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks...
Stupid Question:-Oh, so you smoke.
Answer:-Gosh, it's a miracle .......it was a piece of chalk and now it's in flames!!!
Stupid Question:-Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer:-Don’t u know, I sell tickets in black over here..
2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet...
Stupid Question:-Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer:-No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia.....why don't you try again.
3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people asks...
Stupid Question:-Why, why him, of all people.
Answer:-Why? Would it rather have been you?
4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiterStupid Question:-Is! the "Butter Paneer Masala" dish good??Answer:-No, it’s terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occasionally also spit in it.
5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you after years...
Stupid Question:-Munna, Chickoo, you've become so big.
Answer:-Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.
6. When a friend announces her wedding and you ask...
Stupid Question:-Is the guy you're marrying good?
Answer:-No, he’s a miserable wife-beating, insensitive lout...it's just the money.
7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call...
Stupid Question:-Sorry. Were you sleeping?
Answer:-No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or not. You thought I was sleeping....you dumb witted moron.
8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair...
Stupid Question:-Hey have you had a haircut?
Answer:-No, its autumn and I'm shedding......
9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth...
Stupid Question:-Tell me if it hurts?
Answer:-No it won’t. It will just bleed.
10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks...
Stupid Question:-Oh, so you smoke.
Answer:-Gosh, it's a miracle .......it was a piece of chalk and now it's in flames!!!
Sunday, 13 January 2008
Have Your Own IP for your system
This is a process of assigning a Static IP Address...
To assign a Static IP Address to your network connection follow these steps:
1. Open Network Connections
2. Right click the connection you wish to assign a Static Address to and choose Properties.
3. In the Properties box that comes up select "Internet Protocol TCP/IP" and click the Properties button beneath.
4. In Internet Protocol TCP/IP Properties place a dot in "Use the following IP Address".
5. Enter the IP address you wish to use and OK the change. Click OK on Local Area Connection Properties.
6. Reboot
To assign a Static IP Address to your network connection follow these steps:
1. Open Network Connections
2. Right click the connection you wish to assign a Static Address to and choose Properties.
3. In the Properties box that comes up select "Internet Protocol TCP/IP" and click the Properties button beneath.
4. In Internet Protocol TCP/IP Properties place a dot in "Use the following IP Address".
5. Enter the IP address you wish to use and OK the change. Click OK on Local Area Connection Properties.
6. Reboot
Sunday, 6 January 2008
Make Your Pirated Windows XP Genuine
This is a very good trick to make your copy of windows XP Genuine.Just download the Magical Jelly Beans from www.magicaljellybean.com/keyfinder.shtml and follow the instructions.
Sunday, 1 July 2007
JOKES
22.A newly married girl got first class in her B.Ed exams.Her husband sent a telegram to her parents -Ruby First class in Bed!
23.Santa and Banta were close friends.Santa died suddenly.A desolate Banta went to the office of the local newspaperto put an announcement in its obituary column. He found their rates very high.So he decided to make it as short as he could-just 2 words:`Santa dead` The clerk at the counter refused to take it.`You must make it at least 5 words,` he told Banta. `Okay,`replied Banta,and made it into 5 words:`Santa dead,maruti for sale`
24.Maternity is a fact,paternity,an opinion.
25.BREAKING NEWS!!!!!! .Something went wrong in jet crash,Experts say.
.Safety Experts say School bus passengers should be belted.
.Iraqi head seeks army.
.Panda mating fails;
Veterinarian takes over.
.Lung cancer in women Mushrooms.
.Squad helps dog bite victim.
.Enraged cow injures farmer with axe.
.Plane too close to ground.crash probe told.
.Miners refuse to work after death.
26.HELL AND HEAVEN: Heaven is to have an American salary,british house,Chinese food and an Indian wife. Hell is to have an American wife,British food,Chinese house and an Indian salary.
27.Santa to Banta,"Come Banta,let`s bet on the cricket match and make a lot of money". Banta agree,"very true yaar,let us bet on India." So they both vouched for India and bet a good sum. After the match was over Santa lamented "My bad luck is always kharab yaar,India lost the match and i lost my money." Banta replied,`there is still hope for me.I bet on the highlights also."
28.LAWYER:I wish to appeal my client`s case on the basis of newly discovered evidence. JUDGE:What`s that? LAWYER:Judge,I discovered that my client still has Rs500.
29.Can you believe the things people do?I was sittig next to a guy in church, and in the middle of his prayer,he lit a cigarette.I was so shocked, I nearly dropped my beer!
30.Banto filled up her insurance form but left column no.5`whether you are pregnant or not` blank.The insurance underwriter scrutinised the form and wrote back to banto, `please let us know whether you are pregnant or not,so that we may do the needful.`
31.`But,doctor,` said the worried patient,`are you sure i`ll pull through? I`ve heard of cases where the doctor made a wrong diagnosis,and treated someone for pneumonia who afterwards died of typhoid fever.` `Nonsense spluttered the physician.`When I treat a patient for pneumonia, he dies of pneumonia.`
32.PHOTO FINISH!!! Santa was trvelling in a crowded bus.He was carrying a passport-size photograph of his son (for college admission).Accidentally,the photograph fell out of his pocket. He started searching for it frantically and found it on the floor of the bus.Politely he asked the sari clad female standing in front of him,`Can you lift that sari?I want to take a photograph.`
33.Woman at differentageeeeees: At 08 years: You take her to bed and tell her a story. At 18 years: You tell her a story and take her to bed. At 28 years: You don`t need to tell her a story to take her to bed. At 38 years: She tells you a story and takes you to bed. At 48 years: You tell her a story to avoid going to bed.
34.A girl phoned me the other day and said,"Come on over,there`s nobody home."I went over. Nobody was home.
35.What do you call an intelligent man? A rumour
36.David:My wife beats me, doctor! Doctor:Oh dear!How often? David:Everytime we play scrabble!
37.TEACHER:Prove that cold compresses things whileheat has an expanding effect. STUDENT:Summer holidays extend upto 45days while winter holidays last only a week!
38.A nobel prize winner wrote-"My novel is dedicated to my wife as I could complete it in her absence."
39.Don`t eat chicken with your fingers.Eat them separately!
40.What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?Magnets have a positive side!
41.Why do couples hold hands on thier wedding day? It`s just a formality,like boxers shaking hands before a fight!
42.A gorgeous girl walks up to the professor and says,"I`ll do anything to pass." "Anything?" asks the professor. "anything ,"she replies."Then go and study!"says the professor.
23.Santa and Banta were close friends.Santa died suddenly.A desolate Banta went to the office of the local newspaperto put an announcement in its obituary column. He found their rates very high.So he decided to make it as short as he could-just 2 words:`Santa dead` The clerk at the counter refused to take it.`You must make it at least 5 words,` he told Banta. `Okay,`replied Banta,and made it into 5 words:`Santa dead,maruti for sale`
24.Maternity is a fact,paternity,an opinion.
25.BREAKING NEWS!!!!!! .Something went wrong in jet crash,Experts say.
.Safety Experts say School bus passengers should be belted.
.Iraqi head seeks army.
.Panda mating fails;
Veterinarian takes over.
.Lung cancer in women Mushrooms.
.Squad helps dog bite victim.
.Enraged cow injures farmer with axe.
.Plane too close to ground.crash probe told.
.Miners refuse to work after death.
26.HELL AND HEAVEN: Heaven is to have an American salary,british house,Chinese food and an Indian wife. Hell is to have an American wife,British food,Chinese house and an Indian salary.
27.Santa to Banta,"Come Banta,let`s bet on the cricket match and make a lot of money". Banta agree,"very true yaar,let us bet on India." So they both vouched for India and bet a good sum. After the match was over Santa lamented "My bad luck is always kharab yaar,India lost the match and i lost my money." Banta replied,`there is still hope for me.I bet on the highlights also."
28.LAWYER:I wish to appeal my client`s case on the basis of newly discovered evidence. JUDGE:What`s that? LAWYER:Judge,I discovered that my client still has Rs500.
29.Can you believe the things people do?I was sittig next to a guy in church, and in the middle of his prayer,he lit a cigarette.I was so shocked, I nearly dropped my beer!
30.Banto filled up her insurance form but left column no.5`whether you are pregnant or not` blank.The insurance underwriter scrutinised the form and wrote back to banto, `please let us know whether you are pregnant or not,so that we may do the needful.`
31.`But,doctor,` said the worried patient,`are you sure i`ll pull through? I`ve heard of cases where the doctor made a wrong diagnosis,and treated someone for pneumonia who afterwards died of typhoid fever.` `Nonsense spluttered the physician.`When I treat a patient for pneumonia, he dies of pneumonia.`
32.PHOTO FINISH!!! Santa was trvelling in a crowded bus.He was carrying a passport-size photograph of his son (for college admission).Accidentally,the photograph fell out of his pocket. He started searching for it frantically and found it on the floor of the bus.Politely he asked the sari clad female standing in front of him,`Can you lift that sari?I want to take a photograph.`
33.Woman at differentageeeeees: At 08 years: You take her to bed and tell her a story. At 18 years: You tell her a story and take her to bed. At 28 years: You don`t need to tell her a story to take her to bed. At 38 years: She tells you a story and takes you to bed. At 48 years: You tell her a story to avoid going to bed.
34.A girl phoned me the other day and said,"Come on over,there`s nobody home."I went over. Nobody was home.
35.What do you call an intelligent man? A rumour
36.David:My wife beats me, doctor! Doctor:Oh dear!How often? David:Everytime we play scrabble!
37.TEACHER:Prove that cold compresses things whileheat has an expanding effect. STUDENT:Summer holidays extend upto 45days while winter holidays last only a week!
38.A nobel prize winner wrote-"My novel is dedicated to my wife as I could complete it in her absence."
39.Don`t eat chicken with your fingers.Eat them separately!
40.What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?Magnets have a positive side!
41.Why do couples hold hands on thier wedding day? It`s just a formality,like boxers shaking hands before a fight!
42.A gorgeous girl walks up to the professor and says,"I`ll do anything to pass." "Anything?" asks the professor. "anything ,"she replies."Then go and study!"says the professor.
Tuesday, 12 June 2007
PSEUD`S CORNER
1.Noble deeds and hot baths are the best cures for depression.
2.Plastic surgeons are always making mountains out of molehills.
3.When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks,"Has the bus
come yet?" If the bus came would i be standing here?
4.The creed of the inland Revenue is simple:"If we can bring one little smile to one little face today,then somebodys slipped up somewhere ."
5.Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everythink thatc ounts can be counted.
2.Plastic surgeons are always making mountains out of molehills.
3.When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks,"Has the bus
come yet?" If the bus came would i be standing here?
4.The creed of the inland Revenue is simple:"If we can bring one little smile to one little face today,then somebodys slipped up somewhere ."
5.Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everythink thatc ounts can be counted.
1.SAM:When i was young i used to pray for a bike.
BILL:Then...?
SAM:I REALISED THAT GOD DOESNT WORK THAT WAY,SO I STOLE BIKE AND PRAYED FOR FORGIVENESS.
2.In a rare admission, a man confesses to his girlfriend, "Last night was my fault". "how come ?" says the friend. "My wife asked me waht`s on TV I said ,'DUST' " .
3.He said "Do you love me because my father leftme a fortune?" She said "No silly! I`d love you no matter who left you the money."
4.PATIENT:It must be tough spending all the day with your hands in someone else`s mouth. DENTIST:No ,I think of it as having my hands in their wallet.
5.If more than one mouse is mice then more than one spouse is spice.
6.TEACHER:What are some products of the west indies? STUDENT:I dont know. TEACHER:Ofcourse,you do.Where do you get your sugar from? STUDENT:We borrow it from our neighbour.
7.SAM:I got married because i was tired of eating out,cleaning and washing clothes.
BILL:Wow!I got divorced because for the same reasons.
8.Q:What`s the difference between amnesia and apathy? A:I don`t know and I dont care!
9.Why are men similar to commercials? You can`t believe a word they say.
10.My husband bought me a mood ring the other day.When i am in good mood it turns green. When i am in bad moodit leaves ared mark on his face.
11.2 ways to commit suicide: 1.QUICK DEATH:Take a big rope,tie arounf your neck and hang yourself. 2.SLOW DEATH:Take a small rope tie it around a girl`s neck and marry her.
12.A system administrator is like Santa Claus,nobody knows what he does most of the time.
13.Trust in god but lock your car.
14.GIRLFRIEND:Are you sure that you love me and no one else? BOYFRIEND :Dead sure,I checked the whole list again yesterday.
15.Q:Why does it take long to make a blonde snowman? A:Because you have to hollow the head out.
16.Did you hear about the woman who got the AM radio?
17.Q:What happens when the earth rotates 30 times faster? A:You get your salary everyday!
18.Why were males created before females? Because you always need a rough copy before the final draft.
19.Why is honesty the best policy because you have hardly any competition.
20.A lady slaps a man in an elvator. His little girl says."It`s ok dad.she stepped on toe too,so i pinched her.
21.They say one out of every four people is a chinese.so if your father,brother,mother are not chinese then it must be you.
BILL:Then...?
SAM:I REALISED THAT GOD DOESNT WORK THAT WAY,SO I STOLE BIKE AND PRAYED FOR FORGIVENESS.
2.In a rare admission, a man confesses to his girlfriend, "Last night was my fault". "how come ?" says the friend. "My wife asked me waht`s on TV I said ,'DUST' " .
3.He said "Do you love me because my father leftme a fortune?" She said "No silly! I`d love you no matter who left you the money."
4.PATIENT:It must be tough spending all the day with your hands in someone else`s mouth. DENTIST:No ,I think of it as having my hands in their wallet.
5.If more than one mouse is mice then more than one spouse is spice.
6.TEACHER:What are some products of the west indies? STUDENT:I dont know. TEACHER:Ofcourse,you do.Where do you get your sugar from? STUDENT:We borrow it from our neighbour.
7.SAM:I got married because i was tired of eating out,cleaning and washing clothes.
BILL:Wow!I got divorced because for the same reasons.
8.Q:What`s the difference between amnesia and apathy? A:I don`t know and I dont care!
9.Why are men similar to commercials? You can`t believe a word they say.
10.My husband bought me a mood ring the other day.When i am in good mood it turns green. When i am in bad moodit leaves ared mark on his face.
11.2 ways to commit suicide: 1.QUICK DEATH:Take a big rope,tie arounf your neck and hang yourself. 2.SLOW DEATH:Take a small rope tie it around a girl`s neck and marry her.
12.A system administrator is like Santa Claus,nobody knows what he does most of the time.
13.Trust in god but lock your car.
14.GIRLFRIEND:Are you sure that you love me and no one else? BOYFRIEND :Dead sure,I checked the whole list again yesterday.
15.Q:Why does it take long to make a blonde snowman? A:Because you have to hollow the head out.
16.Did you hear about the woman who got the AM radio?
17.Q:What happens when the earth rotates 30 times faster? A:You get your salary everyday!
18.Why were males created before females? Because you always need a rough copy before the final draft.
19.Why is honesty the best policy because you have hardly any competition.
20.A lady slaps a man in an elvator. His little girl says."It`s ok dad.she stepped on toe too,so i pinched her.
21.They say one out of every four people is a chinese.so if your father,brother,mother are not chinese then it must be you.
Monday, 11 June 2007
T-Shirt Qoutes
1.I am not as dumb as you look.
2.Stop staring at me.
3.I hate everybody...abc you`re next.
4.Did you hugged this t-shirt today?
5.I didn`t say it was your fault .I said i was blaming you.
6.Stop reading my shirt.
7.I used to be schizophrenic,but we`re ok now.
8.Copy from one,it`s plagiarism; copy from many it`s research!
9.Your action and your action alone determines your worth.
10. Men are happy with women only if they dont love them.
11.How does the bulb know when it has an idea?
12.Organised people are too lazy to look for things.
13.So many men,so few who could afford me.
14.Don`t hate yourself in the morning ....sleep till noon.
15.Am i the rose ?Or you the thorn?
16.Why be difficult when you can be impossible?
17.Don`t go away mad,just go away.
18.Punctuality is the virtue of the bored!
19.I`m not anti-social the society is anti-me.
20.If they don`t have chocolates in heaven, i ain`t going!
21.I`m not useless i can be used as a bad example.
2.Stop staring at me.
3.I hate everybody...abc you`re next.
4.Did you hugged this t-shirt today?
5.I didn`t say it was your fault .I said i was blaming you.
6.Stop reading my shirt.
7.I used to be schizophrenic,but we`re ok now.
8.Copy from one,it`s plagiarism; copy from many it`s research!
9.Your action and your action alone determines your worth.
10. Men are happy with women only if they dont love them.
11.How does the bulb know when it has an idea?
12.Organised people are too lazy to look for things.
13.So many men,so few who could afford me.
14.Don`t hate yourself in the morning ....sleep till noon.
15.Am i the rose ?Or you the thorn?
16.Why be difficult when you can be impossible?
17.Don`t go away mad,just go away.
18.Punctuality is the virtue of the bored!
19.I`m not anti-social the society is anti-me.
20.If they don`t have chocolates in heaven, i ain`t going!
21.I`m not useless i can be used as a bad example.
Thursday, 14 December 2006
THE BIG WORLD OF COMEDY
1.What should you give a man who has everything?A woman to show him how to work it.
2.A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I asked to see your ticket, not your stub."
3.Quote for the Day comes from Elizabeth Edwards, wife of John Kerry's running mate, Senator John Edwards: "Women need to have their voices heard in politics. Women are traditionally chaos managers.
4." During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the Vicar with an unusual offer.
"Look, I'll give you £100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I'm to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that part out."
He passed the Vicar £100 and walked away satisfied.
It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged.
When it comes time for the groom's vows, the Vicar looks the young man in the eye and says, "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"
The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "I do."
The groom leaned toward the Vicar and hissed, "I thought we had a deal."
The Vicar put the £100 into his hand and whispered back, "She made me a much better offer
2.A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I asked to see your ticket, not your stub."
3.Quote for the Day comes from Elizabeth Edwards, wife of John Kerry's running mate, Senator John Edwards: "Women need to have their voices heard in politics. Women are traditionally chaos managers.
4." During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the Vicar with an unusual offer.
"Look, I'll give you £100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I'm to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that part out."
He passed the Vicar £100 and walked away satisfied.
It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged.
When it comes time for the groom's vows, the Vicar looks the young man in the eye and says, "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"
The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "I do."
The groom leaned toward the Vicar and hissed, "I thought we had a deal."
The Vicar put the £100 into his hand and whispered back, "She made me a much better offer
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
