Funny Advertisements....

1.Advertisement In A Long Island Shop:Guitar, for sale....... cheap....... ....no strings attached.

2.Ad.. In Hospital Waiting Room:Smoking Helps You Lose Weight ... One Lung At A Time!

3.Seen on a bulletin board:Success Is Relative. More The Success, More The Relatives.

4.When I Read About The Evils Of Drinking...I Gave Up Reading.

5.My Grandfather Is Eighty And Still Doesn't Need Glasses...He Drinks Straight Out Of The Bottle.

6.You Know Your kids Have Grown Up When:Your Daughter Begins To Put On Lipstick..Or Your Son Starts To Wipe It Off.

7.Sign In A Bar:"Those Of You Who Are Drinking To Forget, Please Pay In Advance."

8.Sign In Driving School:
If Your Wife Wants To Learn To Drive, Don't Stand In Her Way.

9.Behind Every Great Man, There Is A Surprised Woman.

10.The Reason Men Lie Is Because Women Ask So Many Questions.

11.Getting Caught Is The Mother Of Invention.

12.Laugh And The World Laughs With You, Snore And You sleep Alone.

13.The Surest Sign That Intelligent Life Exists Elsewhere In The UniverseIs The Fact That It Has Never Tried To Contact Us.

14.Sign At A Barber's Saloon In Detroit:We Need Your Heads To Run Our Business.

15.A Traffic Slogan:Don't Let Your Kids Drive If They are Not Old EnoughOr Else They Will Never Be.

16.Sign In A Restaurant:All Drinking Water In This Establishment Has Been Personally Passed By The Manager.

17.Sign On A Famous Beauty Parlor Window:Don't Whistle At The Girls Going Out From Here.She May Be Your Grandmother !

10 most stupid questions people usually ask in obvious situations.

1. At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/friends...
Stupid Question:-Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer:-Don’t u know, I sell tickets in black over here..

2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet...
Stupid Question:-Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer:-No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia.....why don't you try again.

3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people asks...
Stupid Question:-Why, why him, of all people.
Answer:-Why? Would it rather have been you?

4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiterStupid Question:-Is! the "Butter Paneer Masala" dish good??Answer:-No, it’s terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occasionally also spit in it.

5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you after years...
Stupid Question:-Munna, Chickoo, you've become so big.
Answer:-Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.

6. When a friend announces her wedding and you ask...
Stupid Question:-Is the guy you're marrying good?
Answer:-No, he’s a miserable wife-beating, insensitive lout...it's just the money.

7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call...
Stupid Question:-Sorry. Were you sleeping?
Answer:-No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or not. You thought I was sleeping....you dumb witted moron.

8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair...
Stupid Question:-Hey have you had a haircut?
Answer:-No, its autumn and I'm shedding......

9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth...
Stupid Question:-Tell me if it hurts?
Answer:-No it won’t. It will just bleed.

10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks...
Stupid Question:-Oh, so you smoke.
Answer:-Gosh, it's a miracle .......it was a piece of chalk and now it's in flames!!!