1.Noble deeds and hot baths are the best cures for depression.
2.Plastic surgeons are always making mountains out of molehills.
3.When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks,"Has the bus
come yet?" If the bus came would i be standing here?
4.The creed of the inland Revenue is simple:"If we can bring one little smile to one little face today,then somebodys slipped up somewhere ."
5.Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everythink thatc ounts can be counted.
Tuesday 12 June 2007
1.SAM:When i was young i used to pray for a bike.
BILL:Then...?
SAM:I REALISED THAT GOD DOESNT WORK THAT WAY,SO I STOLE BIKE AND PRAYED FOR FORGIVENESS.
2.In a rare admission, a man confesses to his girlfriend, "Last night was my fault". "how come ?" says the friend. "My wife asked me waht`s on TV I said ,'DUST' " .
3.He said "Do you love me because my father leftme a fortune?" She said "No silly! I`d love you no matter who left you the money."
4.PATIENT:It must be tough spending all the day with your hands in someone else`s mouth. DENTIST:No ,I think of it as having my hands in their wallet.
5.If more than one mouse is mice then more than one spouse is spice.
6.TEACHER:What are some products of the west indies? STUDENT:I dont know. TEACHER:Ofcourse,you do.Where do you get your sugar from? STUDENT:We borrow it from our neighbour.
7.SAM:I got married because i was tired of eating out,cleaning and washing clothes.
BILL:Wow!I got divorced because for the same reasons.
8.Q:What`s the difference between amnesia and apathy? A:I don`t know and I dont care!
9.Why are men similar to commercials? You can`t believe a word they say.
10.My husband bought me a mood ring the other day.When i am in good mood it turns green. When i am in bad moodit leaves ared mark on his face.
11.2 ways to commit suicide: 1.QUICK DEATH:Take a big rope,tie arounf your neck and hang yourself. 2.SLOW DEATH:Take a small rope tie it around a girl`s neck and marry her.
12.A system administrator is like Santa Claus,nobody knows what he does most of the time.
13.Trust in god but lock your car.
14.GIRLFRIEND:Are you sure that you love me and no one else? BOYFRIEND :Dead sure,I checked the whole list again yesterday.
15.Q:Why does it take long to make a blonde snowman? A:Because you have to hollow the head out.
16.Did you hear about the woman who got the AM radio?
17.Q:What happens when the earth rotates 30 times faster? A:You get your salary everyday!
18.Why were males created before females? Because you always need a rough copy before the final draft.
19.Why is honesty the best policy because you have hardly any competition.
20.A lady slaps a man in an elvator. His little girl says."It`s ok dad.she stepped on toe too,so i pinched her.
21.They say one out of every four people is a chinese.so if your father,brother,mother are not chinese then it must be you.
BILL:Then...?
SAM:I REALISED THAT GOD DOESNT WORK THAT WAY,SO I STOLE BIKE AND PRAYED FOR FORGIVENESS.
2.In a rare admission, a man confesses to his girlfriend, "Last night was my fault". "how come ?" says the friend. "My wife asked me waht`s on TV I said ,'DUST' " .
3.He said "Do you love me because my father leftme a fortune?" She said "No silly! I`d love you no matter who left you the money."
4.PATIENT:It must be tough spending all the day with your hands in someone else`s mouth. DENTIST:No ,I think of it as having my hands in their wallet.
5.If more than one mouse is mice then more than one spouse is spice.
6.TEACHER:What are some products of the west indies? STUDENT:I dont know. TEACHER:Ofcourse,you do.Where do you get your sugar from? STUDENT:We borrow it from our neighbour.
7.SAM:I got married because i was tired of eating out,cleaning and washing clothes.
BILL:Wow!I got divorced because for the same reasons.
8.Q:What`s the difference between amnesia and apathy? A:I don`t know and I dont care!
9.Why are men similar to commercials? You can`t believe a word they say.
10.My husband bought me a mood ring the other day.When i am in good mood it turns green. When i am in bad moodit leaves ared mark on his face.
11.2 ways to commit suicide: 1.QUICK DEATH:Take a big rope,tie arounf your neck and hang yourself. 2.SLOW DEATH:Take a small rope tie it around a girl`s neck and marry her.
12.A system administrator is like Santa Claus,nobody knows what he does most of the time.
13.Trust in god but lock your car.
14.GIRLFRIEND:Are you sure that you love me and no one else? BOYFRIEND :Dead sure,I checked the whole list again yesterday.
15.Q:Why does it take long to make a blonde snowman? A:Because you have to hollow the head out.
16.Did you hear about the woman who got the AM radio?
17.Q:What happens when the earth rotates 30 times faster? A:You get your salary everyday!
18.Why were males created before females? Because you always need a rough copy before the final draft.
19.Why is honesty the best policy because you have hardly any competition.
20.A lady slaps a man in an elvator. His little girl says."It`s ok dad.she stepped on toe too,so i pinched her.
21.They say one out of every four people is a chinese.so if your father,brother,mother are not chinese then it must be you.
Monday 11 June 2007
T-Shirt Qoutes
1.I am not as dumb as you look.
2.Stop staring at me.
3.I hate everybody...abc you`re next.
4.Did you hugged this t-shirt today?
5.I didn`t say it was your fault .I said i was blaming you.
6.Stop reading my shirt.
7.I used to be schizophrenic,but we`re ok now.
8.Copy from one,it`s plagiarism; copy from many it`s research!
9.Your action and your action alone determines your worth.
10. Men are happy with women only if they dont love them.
11.How does the bulb know when it has an idea?
12.Organised people are too lazy to look for things.
13.So many men,so few who could afford me.
14.Don`t hate yourself in the morning ....sleep till noon.
15.Am i the rose ?Or you the thorn?
16.Why be difficult when you can be impossible?
17.Don`t go away mad,just go away.
18.Punctuality is the virtue of the bored!
19.I`m not anti-social the society is anti-me.
20.If they don`t have chocolates in heaven, i ain`t going!
21.I`m not useless i can be used as a bad example.
2.Stop staring at me.
3.I hate everybody...abc you`re next.
4.Did you hugged this t-shirt today?
5.I didn`t say it was your fault .I said i was blaming you.
6.Stop reading my shirt.
7.I used to be schizophrenic,but we`re ok now.
8.Copy from one,it`s plagiarism; copy from many it`s research!
9.Your action and your action alone determines your worth.
10. Men are happy with women only if they dont love them.
11.How does the bulb know when it has an idea?
12.Organised people are too lazy to look for things.
13.So many men,so few who could afford me.
14.Don`t hate yourself in the morning ....sleep till noon.
15.Am i the rose ?Or you the thorn?
16.Why be difficult when you can be impossible?
17.Don`t go away mad,just go away.
18.Punctuality is the virtue of the bored!
19.I`m not anti-social the society is anti-me.
20.If they don`t have chocolates in heaven, i ain`t going!
21.I`m not useless i can be used as a bad example.
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