22.A newly married girl got first class in her B.Ed exams.Her husband sent a telegram to her parents -Ruby First class in Bed!
23.Santa and Banta were close friends.Santa died suddenly.A desolate Banta went to the office of the local newspaperto put an announcement in its obituary column. He found their rates very high.So he decided to make it as short as he could-just 2 words:`Santa dead` The clerk at the counter refused to take it.`You must make it at least 5 words,` he told Banta. `Okay,`replied Banta,and made it into 5 words:`Santa dead,maruti for sale`
24.Maternity is a fact,paternity,an opinion.
25.BREAKING NEWS!!!!!! .Something went wrong in jet crash,Experts say.
.Safety Experts say School bus passengers should be belted.
.Iraqi head seeks army.
.Panda mating fails;
Veterinarian takes over.
.Lung cancer in women Mushrooms.
.Squad helps dog bite victim.
.Enraged cow injures farmer with axe.
.Plane too close to ground.crash probe told.
.Miners refuse to work after death.
26.HELL AND HEAVEN: Heaven is to have an American salary,british house,Chinese food and an Indian wife. Hell is to have an American wife,British food,Chinese house and an Indian salary.
27.Santa to Banta,"Come Banta,let`s bet on the cricket match and make a lot of money". Banta agree,"very true yaar,let us bet on India." So they both vouched for India and bet a good sum. After the match was over Santa lamented "My bad luck is always kharab yaar,India lost the match and i lost my money." Banta replied,`there is still hope for me.I bet on the highlights also."
28.LAWYER:I wish to appeal my client`s case on the basis of newly discovered evidence. JUDGE:What`s that? LAWYER:Judge,I discovered that my client still has Rs500.
29.Can you believe the things people do?I was sittig next to a guy in church, and in the middle of his prayer,he lit a cigarette.I was so shocked, I nearly dropped my beer!
30.Banto filled up her insurance form but left column no.5`whether you are pregnant or not` blank.The insurance underwriter scrutinised the form and wrote back to banto, `please let us know whether you are pregnant or not,so that we may do the needful.`
31.`But,doctor,` said the worried patient,`are you sure i`ll pull through? I`ve heard of cases where the doctor made a wrong diagnosis,and treated someone for pneumonia who afterwards died of typhoid fever.` `Nonsense spluttered the physician.`When I treat a patient for pneumonia, he dies of pneumonia.`
32.PHOTO FINISH!!! Santa was trvelling in a crowded bus.He was carrying a passport-size photograph of his son (for college admission).Accidentally,the photograph fell out of his pocket. He started searching for it frantically and found it on the floor of the bus.Politely he asked the sari clad female standing in front of him,`Can you lift that sari?I want to take a photograph.`
33.Woman at differentageeeeees: At 08 years: You take her to bed and tell her a story. At 18 years: You tell her a story and take her to bed. At 28 years: You don`t need to tell her a story to take her to bed. At 38 years: She tells you a story and takes you to bed. At 48 years: You tell her a story to avoid going to bed.
34.A girl phoned me the other day and said,"Come on over,there`s nobody home."I went over. Nobody was home.
35.What do you call an intelligent man? A rumour
36.David:My wife beats me, doctor! Doctor:Oh dear!How often? David:Everytime we play scrabble!
37.TEACHER:Prove that cold compresses things whileheat has an expanding effect. STUDENT:Summer holidays extend upto 45days while winter holidays last only a week!
38.A nobel prize winner wrote-"My novel is dedicated to my wife as I could complete it in her absence."
39.Don`t eat chicken with your fingers.Eat them separately!
40.What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?Magnets have a positive side!
41.Why do couples hold hands on thier wedding day? It`s just a formality,like boxers shaking hands before a fight!
42.A gorgeous girl walks up to the professor and says,"I`ll do anything to pass." "Anything?" asks the professor. "anything ,"she replies."Then go and study!"says the professor.
Sunday 1 July 2007
Tuesday 12 June 2007
PSEUD`S CORNER
1.Noble deeds and hot baths are the best cures for depression.
2.Plastic surgeons are always making mountains out of molehills.
3.When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks,"Has the bus
come yet?" If the bus came would i be standing here?
4.The creed of the inland Revenue is simple:"If we can bring one little smile to one little face today,then somebodys slipped up somewhere ."
5.Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everythink thatc ounts can be counted.
2.Plastic surgeons are always making mountains out of molehills.
3.When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks,"Has the bus
come yet?" If the bus came would i be standing here?
4.The creed of the inland Revenue is simple:"If we can bring one little smile to one little face today,then somebodys slipped up somewhere ."
5.Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everythink thatc ounts can be counted.
1.SAM:When i was young i used to pray for a bike.
BILL:Then...?
SAM:I REALISED THAT GOD DOESNT WORK THAT WAY,SO I STOLE BIKE AND PRAYED FOR FORGIVENESS.
2.In a rare admission, a man confesses to his girlfriend, "Last night was my fault". "how come ?" says the friend. "My wife asked me waht`s on TV I said ,'DUST' " .
3.He said "Do you love me because my father leftme a fortune?" She said "No silly! I`d love you no matter who left you the money."
4.PATIENT:It must be tough spending all the day with your hands in someone else`s mouth. DENTIST:No ,I think of it as having my hands in their wallet.
5.If more than one mouse is mice then more than one spouse is spice.
6.TEACHER:What are some products of the west indies? STUDENT:I dont know. TEACHER:Ofcourse,you do.Where do you get your sugar from? STUDENT:We borrow it from our neighbour.
7.SAM:I got married because i was tired of eating out,cleaning and washing clothes.
BILL:Wow!I got divorced because for the same reasons.
8.Q:What`s the difference between amnesia and apathy? A:I don`t know and I dont care!
9.Why are men similar to commercials? You can`t believe a word they say.
10.My husband bought me a mood ring the other day.When i am in good mood it turns green. When i am in bad moodit leaves ared mark on his face.
11.2 ways to commit suicide: 1.QUICK DEATH:Take a big rope,tie arounf your neck and hang yourself. 2.SLOW DEATH:Take a small rope tie it around a girl`s neck and marry her.
12.A system administrator is like Santa Claus,nobody knows what he does most of the time.
13.Trust in god but lock your car.
14.GIRLFRIEND:Are you sure that you love me and no one else? BOYFRIEND :Dead sure,I checked the whole list again yesterday.
15.Q:Why does it take long to make a blonde snowman? A:Because you have to hollow the head out.
16.Did you hear about the woman who got the AM radio?
17.Q:What happens when the earth rotates 30 times faster? A:You get your salary everyday!
18.Why were males created before females? Because you always need a rough copy before the final draft.
19.Why is honesty the best policy because you have hardly any competition.
20.A lady slaps a man in an elvator. His little girl says."It`s ok dad.she stepped on toe too,so i pinched her.
21.They say one out of every four people is a chinese.so if your father,brother,mother are not chinese then it must be you.
BILL:Then...?
SAM:I REALISED THAT GOD DOESNT WORK THAT WAY,SO I STOLE BIKE AND PRAYED FOR FORGIVENESS.
2.In a rare admission, a man confesses to his girlfriend, "Last night was my fault". "how come ?" says the friend. "My wife asked me waht`s on TV I said ,'DUST' " .
3.He said "Do you love me because my father leftme a fortune?" She said "No silly! I`d love you no matter who left you the money."
4.PATIENT:It must be tough spending all the day with your hands in someone else`s mouth. DENTIST:No ,I think of it as having my hands in their wallet.
5.If more than one mouse is mice then more than one spouse is spice.
6.TEACHER:What are some products of the west indies? STUDENT:I dont know. TEACHER:Ofcourse,you do.Where do you get your sugar from? STUDENT:We borrow it from our neighbour.
7.SAM:I got married because i was tired of eating out,cleaning and washing clothes.
BILL:Wow!I got divorced because for the same reasons.
8.Q:What`s the difference between amnesia and apathy? A:I don`t know and I dont care!
9.Why are men similar to commercials? You can`t believe a word they say.
10.My husband bought me a mood ring the other day.When i am in good mood it turns green. When i am in bad moodit leaves ared mark on his face.
11.2 ways to commit suicide: 1.QUICK DEATH:Take a big rope,tie arounf your neck and hang yourself. 2.SLOW DEATH:Take a small rope tie it around a girl`s neck and marry her.
12.A system administrator is like Santa Claus,nobody knows what he does most of the time.
13.Trust in god but lock your car.
14.GIRLFRIEND:Are you sure that you love me and no one else? BOYFRIEND :Dead sure,I checked the whole list again yesterday.
15.Q:Why does it take long to make a blonde snowman? A:Because you have to hollow the head out.
16.Did you hear about the woman who got the AM radio?
17.Q:What happens when the earth rotates 30 times faster? A:You get your salary everyday!
18.Why were males created before females? Because you always need a rough copy before the final draft.
19.Why is honesty the best policy because you have hardly any competition.
20.A lady slaps a man in an elvator. His little girl says."It`s ok dad.she stepped on toe too,so i pinched her.
21.They say one out of every four people is a chinese.so if your father,brother,mother are not chinese then it must be you.
Monday 11 June 2007
T-Shirt Qoutes
1.I am not as dumb as you look.
2.Stop staring at me.
3.I hate everybody...abc you`re next.
4.Did you hugged this t-shirt today?
5.I didn`t say it was your fault .I said i was blaming you.
6.Stop reading my shirt.
7.I used to be schizophrenic,but we`re ok now.
8.Copy from one,it`s plagiarism; copy from many it`s research!
9.Your action and your action alone determines your worth.
10. Men are happy with women only if they dont love them.
11.How does the bulb know when it has an idea?
12.Organised people are too lazy to look for things.
13.So many men,so few who could afford me.
14.Don`t hate yourself in the morning ....sleep till noon.
15.Am i the rose ?Or you the thorn?
16.Why be difficult when you can be impossible?
17.Don`t go away mad,just go away.
18.Punctuality is the virtue of the bored!
19.I`m not anti-social the society is anti-me.
20.If they don`t have chocolates in heaven, i ain`t going!
21.I`m not useless i can be used as a bad example.
2.Stop staring at me.
3.I hate everybody...abc you`re next.
4.Did you hugged this t-shirt today?
5.I didn`t say it was your fault .I said i was blaming you.
6.Stop reading my shirt.
7.I used to be schizophrenic,but we`re ok now.
8.Copy from one,it`s plagiarism; copy from many it`s research!
9.Your action and your action alone determines your worth.
10. Men are happy with women only if they dont love them.
11.How does the bulb know when it has an idea?
12.Organised people are too lazy to look for things.
13.So many men,so few who could afford me.
14.Don`t hate yourself in the morning ....sleep till noon.
15.Am i the rose ?Or you the thorn?
16.Why be difficult when you can be impossible?
17.Don`t go away mad,just go away.
18.Punctuality is the virtue of the bored!
19.I`m not anti-social the society is anti-me.
20.If they don`t have chocolates in heaven, i ain`t going!
21.I`m not useless i can be used as a bad example.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)